Hi everyone! 

I know it’s been a while since you’ve actively heard from me here…but a lot has happened the last year and a half. There are many projects happening here at Chez La Homegirl, both in our home and in our hearts. 

While navigating this part of life, I’ve learned many simple tips for maintaining adult friendships and connections despite the many obstacles life presents. I’m not perfect and am still growing in becoming a better community member. However, I wanted to share these four tips in case you struggle to maintain community while also juggling parenthood, career, caregiving, disability, or more. 

4 Simple Tips for Maintaining Adult Friendships (from My Own Friends)

Send snail mail

I love a lovely card in the mail from Mara.

I remember being a kid, feeling so special receiving a letter in the mailbox from a friend. Do you remember writing letters to your friends when they moved away and you wanted to stay in touch? Personally, I didn’t have long distance calling back then, so a good ol’ handwritten letter was my only way to stay in touch until I could afford a long distance calling card. 

Let’s bring back letters.

Currently, as adults, our mailboxes are inundated with paper waste and bills. On occasion, when you can actually afford to buy something for yourself, the rare treat arrives. But when was the last time you received something in the mail that wasn’t asking something from you?

Let’s be the joy we remember from the past. Keep a book of stamps and mail something every now and again. It can be a thank you note, a picture you printed out, or a postcard.

Schedule a text

My friend Desiree taught me this lesson. She’s the queen of the scheduled text!

As soon as a name hits my brain, I try to send a text message and schedule it to a time that I feel is more appropriate. If I thought of you at 11:52 on a Tuesday night, am I gonna text you then? Absolutely not. I also am not going to let you escape my mind. Therefore, I text out a simple “Thinking of you” message and schedule it to automatically send to you during waking hours.

You never know what your friend may be going through. So many roles we play in life make us feel invisible or like another cog in a wheel. But, one of the best feelings in the world when you’re feeling low is the feeling of being seen. For being recognized as a person. Send the text; someone may really need it.

Show Up

One thing I know is that my friend Ingrid will show up if needed.

This one is an uncomfortable truth that makes me a little nervous to type out. But here lies the truth: Maintaining adult friendships require a little bit of sacrifice of comfort. That means that you may need to show up physically in someone’s time of need. If you can’t travel, maybe that requires a video call on your part. 

It’s so easy to get focused on your daily ecosystem of the kids, the spouse, the job, and the chores. Heck – we’re just trying to stay afloat. But, we may need to sacrifice our precious time to show up for our loved ones. It may mean that the pile of laundry may need to sit there a few more days despite your desire for it to be gone.

If you can’t travel to your people for any reason, a video call to lock eyes with your people can still bless them. It’s about giving a piece of your time to be present with your friend.

Bring a Treat (Just Because)

Often, Sharda walks into my house with a bag of small gifts for no reason.

Don’t we all love a little treat? I know I do! If you can share something, like a snack or even a small gift, I think that can be such a way to build and maintain connection. I believe that is the case because it demonstrates that you pay attention to what someone likes. 

For instance, my friend Sharda brought over a box of salt. Yep – you got that right. A box of salt.

But it was one of those fancy boxes of sea salt. You know the one in the green box? That one. Placed in a recycled gift bag.

That’s because she knows my husband loves to cook! She knew that she would have no use for it, but he would make many things with it! These little treats she brings do not cost her anything additional. Many times, they are things that she has at home that she is trying to rehome to be put to use.

That’s what I mean by gifts. Not lavishing fancy things to keep friends close – not at all – but just something you may have that can be of use to someone else. We can clear a little space while also blessing someone else!

In conclusion

Life is hard, but it’s super hard going at it alone. While keeping friends in our lives can be so difficult, it is worth it. They are the people who show up when you are in great need. I know from first hand experience this past year and a half the importance of community. I’m no expert, but consider these 4 tips for maintaining adult friendships for a more fulfilling environment filled with love.

Sincerely,

Felicia

P.S.: Thank you to all my friends and family for your support this past year and a half. I see you and hold you in my heart as I write this.